Monday 2 May 2016 - Treatment 3

Ooookay. I might have been laboring under the misapprehension that I'd get used to this memory thing. Well, nope. Nope, nope, nope. If anything, it seems to be getting worse. My mom picked me up again this morning, which I know because she also brought me back. That I can remember. No memories whatsoever of what actually happened in the morning. I have some few vague memories of sitting outside the treatment room at the hospital reading a book, hearing my name called, staring up at the same oxygen mask, which I think was actually put on my face this time around, and then... I have some memories from the room where I supposedly woke up, but they are so strange and nonsensical that I think they are actually parts of a dream. Then I teleported into the juice-and-cookie room (sure can't remember walking there) and sat there for a while wondering who I am and what I might be doing there... Until I remembered that I was supposed to tell... someone... when I can leave.

Couldn't for the life of me remember whom I was supposed to inform, but my logic circuitry is still at least half operational, so I dug out my cell phone and went through my sent messages to get a hint of some kind. Ah yes, last time it was Mother, so that's probably how it's supposed to go down this time as well. Then nothing again until I'm sitting in my Mom's car and realize I have a pounding headache. We get home after a bewildering journey, we might as well be driving through Mars for all the places I recognize. Again, I know I'm supposed to know these places, but the visual data I'm receiving rings no bells whatsoever.

There are more surprises in store for me when I open my front door. There's a tiny furry creature waiting for me on our doorstep, which is quite astonishing. We have a cat? Ah yes, I guess we do. Wait, we have three cats?? We've had them for seven years? Well, I'll be damned. This time around I head straight to bed when I get home. I'm hungry too, but the headache, confusion and tiredness win this round. I sleep on and off until around 8 PM, when my headache finally starts to abate and my head clears a bit. We take a short walk outside with the family, which feels nice but also serves to remind me of all the bits and pieces of my body that currently hurt. Like, every single muscle in my body. Also my left hand, which is starting to resemble Swiss cheese from all the holes the catheters have left behind.

The walk around Hakaniemi was as bewildering as the drive home from the hospital. I'm pretty sure I've stared at the same graffiti for years, but I could swear I'd never laid eyes on them before. All the tiny little stores I pass every day were new. It's hard to adequately describe the feeling when logic tells you that you know this shit like the back of your hand, but your eyes are treating everything as new information. Let's hope tomorrow feels a bit more normal.

I'm still hopeful, though. I mean, if this whole treatment can scramble my brain this badly, maybe it might actually nudge loose some stuff I'd do better without.