The whole memory thing is a bit hard to describe, really. Let's see... I have a bunch of memories from last week, but I have no way of telling which ones are actual memories and which ones are just fever dreams - all of them have one thing in common, and that's this incredibly strong feeling of... unreality. Logic tells me that some of my memories must be real, but that's as far as logic takes me. If I try to take a closer look at those half-memories, all of them start to feel as unreal as the next one.
Another really funny feature is that I keep forgetting how to
do stuff. How do I use our microwave oven? Where do I keep my
make-up? Right, now that I found it, how do I use this thing again?
How do I take a photo with my phone? This is stuff I could do in my
sleep, except that apparently it isn't.
I've also been reading a book for the last week (Risto Isomäki: The Sands of Sarasvati). Please don't ask me what it's about, since the book I've been reading is probably quite different from the book the author wrote. My mind attaches itself to things it knows -in this book archaeological and marine archaeological themes- so I have a few ghosts of memories concerning those themes and pretty much no clue about anything else the author might have written about.
In addition to this, I have also stopped recognizing pretty much every single fucking thing I own. I just spent quite a long time going through my clean laundry and wondering when I've had the time to procure all these pieces of clothing I could swear I've never before seen in my life.
So: I've forgotten everything I previously knew. But in addition to that, nothing sticks in my mind anymore either - it's like I've lost the ability to memorize things. I really hope this is the worst this thing is going to get, and I REALLY hope things are going to start looking up soon, because I really wasn't prepared for this. I feel like a stranger in my own head, and it's no big wonder at all that this therapy isn't really recommended for everyone. I need to constantly remind myself not to panic, and my days are spent in a fog of confusion. It's a good thing I'm kind of adventurous or I wouldn't be going back there again.
Hold on to your memories, people. You never know when you're going to lose them.
